Lately it seems like God has been throwing some curve-balls at me and I just can't seem to swing at them right. I've been trying my best to do what is pleasing to others and not myself. I've been trying so hard to make sure I am making everyone happy and make sure everyone is ok and there lives are going good. But why am I trying so hard to please everyone else? Why am I not please the one and only person that deserves my attention and glory? I have been neglecting Him for so long that I feel so lost and disconnected. I feel His presence but I don't feel Him near. I'm afraid to ask anyone for help with my struggles because I don't want to burden their lives. I'm afraid to let go of things that I shouldn't hold on to but I fear that if I let go my hope for what I'm holding will disappear. These are my struggles among so many other things that would fill up so much space. I'm hoping that one day I can feel again the comfortable feeling I had before. I'm hoping there can be a sense of joy and peace in my life that never leaves me. I'm hoping I can win this battle over myself and make God my number one instead of the world. I'm praying to fully rely on Him for everything instead of my stupid self. I'm praying He will lead me to the right person to help me through this craziness so I don't have to handle it all alone. I'm praying it will all come down to what God choses for my life and how happy I will be to live those choices out for Him. I learned today at church a very important lesson I think. We are given a life where we can choose to see it as making choices for us or making choices that glorify God but no matter what they are choices chosen for us by Him. He is walking beside us every step of the way but it's our choice if we want to walk along side Him and avoid his being there or if we want to take hold of His hand and grab on tight, willing and wanting to take the ride of your life. He is with us always no matter how hard we try to deny it or avoid Him. It's just up to us if we want to be with Him always as well.
Tonight this is my prayer.
HOSANNA-Save Us Lord...
I see the King of glory
Coming down the clouds with fire
I see His love and mercy
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
The people sing, the people sing
Washing over all our sin
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
