On a side note...

So lately I've had so much going on in my head that I haven't quite figured out where to begin. I feel that I get so far and I just stop and give up or I just figure I can do it later because I'm kinda ahead but eventually I end up more behind than I thought I would be. Being sick this past two weeks has thrown me for a loop. It's just going to my head. I need to vent to someone. I don't even think venting is the right word. I think going out and having a nice talk with someone without having to talk about school or tutoring or work or my future or other thought provoking things. Just someone to talk to about nothing really. Even if we just sit and stare at people or the stars or something. Anything. I feel like I need to get away for a day, and not just somewhere in Riverside or Corona. Somewhere where you can just sit for the day and relax. So ultimately I need a) someone to talk/sit and do nothing with and b) somewhere to go. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated...

Getting it right

I've realized that you need to go to the Dr. the moment you start feeling like crap. It's been two weeks of literal hell for me and yesterday I found out why. Infection is a bad thing. The only thing that gets rid of it is antibiotics. Not Tylenol, or cough syrup or any other herbal/medicinal drug. It's like trying to get rid of a poo on you shoe. It only goes away when you finally scrape it off. It doesn't magically disappear when you keeping stepping in it. (Bad metaphor I know but...). SO with the help of some great medicine and sleep you would think I'd be feeling better already but no.  A day is not enough. I feel the same, sadly to say a little worse than before, but I guess with something like this it takes time to get over. A lot of things in my life have been like that. They have gotten better with time and the right medicine. Hopefully soon this will too and I'll be able to get back on track and be my old self again. Until then I think it's time for a nap....

Yesterday...

It always seems that yesterday seems so long ago but in reality it is always less than 24 hours ago. I feel like time is moving by so quickly but going by so slowly at the same time. I look back on my life so far (which is actually pretty short) and realize how many expectations and plans I had. There are so many dreams and ideas that I thought I would have by now but it's funny how God makes you see that the ideas and dreams I had were not part of His plan. I'm slowly realizing how much of my life has been lived according to me and how I've wanted things to play out but that's not how life should be. I've been hit with so many "duh" moments lately that have made me see how much of God's plan I haven't been able to see. It seems that He has been showing me so many signs that I've been ignoring for so long that now that I've seen them I wonder why they heck I haven't seen these things before. So much of it has been just letting go and just being me again with myself and with others and allowing myself to not give a crap about what others' think of me. I should be living this life for God and no one else. They don't determine how the rest of my life pans out, He does and He is the only person I should be concerned pleasing. Psalms 25:15 "My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet fro the snare." I pray that I can remember this verse daily so that when tomorrow comes, I can look at yesterday knowing I looked to God and He made it great. 

Reality can't be that far

This past week has been crazy for me. I have been in such a funk that I can't seem to find where I put my head. I am having such a hard time focusing on what needs to get done that I end up having more than I can handle and then I just let it all go to pot. I am in desperate need of some guidance and I seem to keep asking God for some but I have yet to find it. I feel like I am wasting my time on so many thoughts and ideas that no longer need to be in my head but I just can't let things go. My mom told me something the other day that has really stuck with me. She said don't bother thinking about things or people that you know aren't giving you a second thought. She couldn't be more right but at this point it's a lot easier said than done. I feel like all my feelings and emotions have been sucked out of me and they have disappeared. I am in a great need of something or someone to grab hold of and give me a good whack in the face to wake me up. Anyone willing to do that? Anyone out there...Literally hit me with your best shot. It just might help.