Thoughts

Giving up has been a frequent friend of mine lately...I know it's not the best solution but it is the easiest. Slowly I've succumbed to the negative and easy way out. I'm trying to regain ground but it's hard by myself. My struggle now is letting people know that I'm not perfect and I'm struggling and allowing them to help. This song came up on Pandora and instantly summed up what God is telling me...

Feel the Light-Britt Nicole 

Today today you wanna run away now

You brake to keep it together, love

Love is all you need, you're a queen but you'll never

Know it.

Life has come and lift you blinded

Stole your smile, lift you crying

It's not your fault, shame is all you've got now.

Your heart is tangled up in silence

It's time to let go

And feel the light (feel the light)

I know it's easier to hide

But you gotta let go

And feel the light, let go and feel the light

Be brave, brave the waters all around you

I'll stay I'll keep you from sinking down

(Love) Love is on your side, it's stronger then you'll

Ever know

So many years of quiet

Building up like a fire inside

Feeling like you gotta let it out now

Just let it out

Your heart is tangled up in silence

It's time to let go

And feel the light (find the light)

I know it's easier to hide

But you gotta let go

And feel the light let go and feel the light

How did you get here

Your locked inside of all this fear

Inside your crying out

Your minds at war

Get out, get out and live for more

There's so much more

Live for more

Your heart is tangled up in silence

It's time to let go

And feel the light (feel the light)

I know it's easier to hide

But you gotta let go

And feel the light, let go and feel the light

Brave, brave waters all around you

I'll stay, I'll keep you from sinking down.

Satisfied

God, 
I'm striving to depend on you. I'm crying out for you to show me where I need to be. Lord I am calling out to you to find me and help me see the path you have for me. Lord I want so much but never realize you are all I need and should desire. You are enough for me. You are all I need. Your death on the cross paid the ultimate price for all that I deserve. I don't even deserve this life you have blessed me with yet I want so much more. I can't get past the fact that I feel forgotten and neglected so I cry out to you with a long list of wishes and so called "needs." But nothing compares to what I have already been given, a new life in you. A clean slate, forgiveness from my sins of the past, present, and future. Who am I to ask for anything but your forgiveness? How can I sit here with my plan and ask for that instead of the plan you have for me? How do I think I can just pray to you when I need or desire something? No I have no right to do any of those things. You should be the one I call upon day and night for forgiveness, not material goods or wishes of the heart. I should call upon you daily in praise and thanksgiving because you are that awesome. I should life your name higher than any other name or worldly thing and have it be the only thing that comes from my mouth, shouts of joy of how you have saved me. Praises of thankfulness that are louder than any cry of despair I have ever had. Lord I pray that you will grant me the humility and wisdom that so many of my peers have. I pray I would not envy their lives but instead be grateful and so humbled my the life you have allowed me to live day after day and take for granted. Lord I pray you will be the only thing that comes to my mind when I need to be satisfied in any way. I pray you will be the only one that can fulfill my needs. Show me not to fear the unknown future but instead rest knowing you have my future already planned and set in motion. I pray you'll guide my steps in that path so I can know that in everything I do I'm doing it for you. God help me see you are all I need. Let me depend on you and no one and nothing else. You are more than enough. 
In your most holy name, Amen